


in a way I can't return

by respoftw



Series: 35 Ways To Say I Love You In The Pegasus Galaxy [32]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Rodney fails at communication, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:03:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: John always knew that nothing could be going too badly if Rodney still had enough spirit to snipe at him in some unrecognisable way.  It was the silence that he had to watch out for.





	

There were at least two dozen countries represented in the Atlantis expedition so, of course, Rodney McKay had found a way to belittle each one of them in their native tongue.  It was a common occurrence to walk past the labs and hear Dr. McKay ranting at someone in Belgian, or Finnish, or German, even Serbian.  

More than one person on the expedition had expressed surprise that McKay would even bother to learn another language, that he would waste the brain cells needed to translate his sharp tongue into something more familiar to his staff but John quickly realised that Rodney only ever learned enough to issue orders or, more usually, eviscerate someone effectively.

It was pure McKay to only learn the science words and the insults.  

John knew that Rodney was incapable of carrying on a real conversation in most of the languages that he spoke.  It was a similar trick that most of the military personnel had used at some point in their careers.  John himself had done it, knowing just enough Pashto and Dari to recognise an attack, calm a civilian and order a beer.  Rodney had simply tailored that trick to suit his own needs.

It was a habit that carried over into the field.  Rodney, cursing in Czech or Swedish or Japanese, or one of another dozen languages that John didn’t recognise while he was attempting to find the source of an energy signature or, more commonly, when John had done something stupid and self-sacrificing.

It didn’t matter that no one on the team could understand what he was saying, Rodney’s tongue was too sharp, his bark too loud, to limit his complaining to one language.

Hearing the different languages snap from Rodney’s tongue soon became comforting to John.  He always knew that nothing could be going too badly if Rodney still had enough spirit to snipe at him in some unrecognisable way.

* * *

Waking up in the infirmary to find a red faced McKay sitting at his bedside, greeting him with a sarcastic.  “Another stellar impression of a pincushion, Major.   _Bi chamd hairtai._  One more arrow wound and I think they throw a free spear in.”

John would grumble and complain that it was McKay’s ass he was saving and “you could be a bit more grateful, Rodney” but really, he would be holding in a grin, knowing that Rodney was OK.  A snapping McKay was a healthy McKay.

* * *

Running frantically through an underground bunker, P-90 clutched in his hands as he shot his way towards the cells, to where Rodney was being kept.

“Colonel, you’re OK,” the happiness in Rodney’s voice quickly replaced by a familiar sharpness that made John want to crumple under the weight of his relief.  “ _Ek het jou lief,_ what the hell time do you call this?  Do you know how long I’ve been locked in here?  They didn’t even feed me!”

* * *

“I said don’t touch anything!  For the love of... _ég elska þig_ , just stop helping.  One almost death by Ancient experiment a week is enough and it’s your turn next.  So just stand over there and look pretty.”

“Aw, Rodney”  John would grin, the usual cursing from Rodney enough to override his memories of the ascend or die debacle from the previous week, enough to drive out the memory of Rodney, pale and lifeless on that hospital bed.  “I never knew you cared.”

* * *

“Come on, Rodney, let me in.”

Silence.  

The door to Rodney’s quarters remained stubbornly closed and John felt the worry ratchet up.  

Rodney was hurting, they all were, they all missed Carson but John knew that it had hit Rodney the hardest.  The silence was proof enough for that.

John thought his way past Rodney’s privacy settings and pushed his way inside Rodney’s quarters to find him leaning against the wall, drinking alone on the floor, a half empty bottle of whisky dangling from his fingers.

“Get out,” he slurred.  “Wanna be alone.”

John shook his head.  “Like hell I will,” he said, dropping down to sit next to Rodney and gently taking the bottle from him.  “You’re not alone, Rodney.  I won’t let you be.”

“Va te faire foutre,” Rodney swore.  John knew enough French to know what that meant. “I want to - just fucking go away, John,” Rodney’s breath hitched in a breaking sob and John pulled him closer, until Rodney’s face was buried against John's neck.  

“I’m not going anywhere, buddy.  You can’t get rid of me.”

Rodney laughed, an awful, broken sound that made John’s chest ache for him.  “Why didn’t I just go fishing with him?” he whispered.  “John, it’s my fault, it’s…. _tha gaol agam ort_ , John.  So much.”

“I know,  I know it hurts.  But it wasn’t your fault, OK?  You can’t...you need to stop blaming yourself.  It wasn’t your fault.”

Rodney cried himself to sleep, his face buried in John’s neck.  John’s heart broke for him, for Carson, for all of them, but the silence was over.  John knew Rodney was going to get through this.  They all were.

* * *

M3X-387 was going on John’s list of worst missions ever.  Kate; dead.  Rodney; not dead, but it had come too damn close.  John couldn’t imagine a world without Rodney’s noise in it, wasn’t surprised that his worst nightmare had shown him how that would feel.  

“Hey,”  Rodney’s voice intruded on his thoughts and John looked up to see Rodney standing in front of him with a tray of food in his hand.  “Can I sit?”

John waved his hand at the seat opposite him and Rodney sat, picking hesitantly at his food as he tried to find the words.

“Just say something,” John urged.  “Yell at me, blame me, whatever.  Just, _talk_ , Rodney.”

Rodney’s mouth opened and closed for a moment in surprise.  “ _Blame you_?” he exclaimed.  “What the hell am I blaming you for?”

“You nearly _died_ ,” John stressed.  “You coded on that table and it was all because of - “

“ - oh what, you think it was _your_ fault?”  Rodney interrupted.  “That’s ridiculous.  It wasn’t you, it was some weird crystal thing and how is this our lives?  Jesus, Colonel, _aš tave myliu_.  Only you could - - “

“You _love_ me?” John sat up in surprise, not sure he could believe what he just heard.

Rodney’s eyes were wide with shock as he shifted in his seat, looking trapped, looking found out and - -

“- Oh my God,” John laughed.  “You’ve been ‘as you wish-ing’ me for years, haven’t you?”  Rodney flushed a deep purple and John knew he was right.  “Every time.  Seriously, Rodney?  You’ve been telling me you love me all this time?”

“How the hell do you understand Lithuanian?”  Rodney squeaked.

“Really?” John drawled.  “That’s what we’re focusing on right now?”  He sighed, knowing that Rodney wouldn’t let it go.  “Our housekeeper growing up was from Lithuania.  I spent more time with her than my parents.  I - - why wouldn’t you say anything?”

“I _have_ been saying something!” Rodney argued.

“In _English_?” John laughed.  “In a way that I could understand; a way that I could return?”

“Return?” Rodney looked hopeful.  “You mean…”

“I mean.” John said.  “I _really_ mean.”

“Oh.”

Rodney sat back in his chair, stunned to complete silence, like his entire world had been shaken to its core, like someone had told him that gravity was a lie.  John watched him process this new revelation with a wary eye.  Silence was never good when it came to Rodney, he wouldn’t feel safe, couldn’t breathe until - -

“You know, it’s not my fault.  We’re an international expedition.  The least you could do is learn some of the other languages that people speak here.”

John grinned as he stole a fry off Rodney’s plate.  Rodney was talking again, everything was going to work out just fine.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> All translations from google so...they're probably wrong!
> 
> Bi chamd hairtai - "I love you" in Mongolian  
> Ek het jou lief - "I love you" in Afrikaans  
> ég elska þig - "I love you" in Icelandic  
> tha gaol agam ort - "I love you" in Scottish Gaelic  
> aš tave myliu - "I love you" in Lithuanian
> 
> Va te faire foutre - "Fuck You" in French
> 
> As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com)


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